The Cover doesn't Define the Book

Though we are told time and time again not to judge a book by its cover, it seems as though society as embedded it into our minds to do just that. Most of us will look at someone we pass on the street and think the stereotypical thought that society has embedded into our mind to think of how that person looks or dresses. In so many, if not all cases, that person is nothing like what society has pushed into our minds to think. There is always so much more to a person than what is on the outside and what that person wants the world to see. 

I am viewed by my friends, and I am sure many people that I have been around over the years as a party girl, life of the party, bubbly, fun, always happy and more. I’m not these things. At almost 22 years of age I have realize that what I have been portraying to people all these years is everything but what I really am or how I really feel. Though there always use to be a party where ever I was, I wasn’t at the party to have fun and do the normal college thing. I was there (or even hosted parties) for the main goal to get drunk, blackout drunk. I drank every night, literally and I figured that if other people were with me while I drank then that made it okay. For many years I denied that I had any kind of problem with drinking, even though I don’t remember much of the past 8 years of my life. People thought I was happy and that was what I wanted them to think. 

I’m almost 22 years old and I have no idea who I really am because I have been hiding all these years. My best memories of my life are from when I was so drunk that the only reason I remember is from pictures. It looked like I was having fun, so I must have been. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I really don’t like who I am, who I have been. I drank to numb that feeling. When I drank everything was fine, I would forget what happened that day, all the pain I hold inside would just drift away. I have never dealt with any feelings emotionally that I have ever had, all I have done is bottle them up inside. If I wouldn’t have met my boyfriend a year ago, I don’t think that I would be alive right now or anywhere close to where I am at. I owe a lot to him and I don’t think he even realizes it.

At 22 I am starting a journey with a goal that I will find myself and learn to love who I am with the hopes that my boyfriend will stick by my side through the ups and downs and still love me for who I really am.